A co-worker, Pam, argues with practically anything you say, she doesn’t hear what you’re trying to say, and she even lashes out sometimes. Working with a chronically defensive person is difficult, but there’s a secret to having better conversations:
By now you’ve heard the expression the one thing we can count on is change. A cliché, but true. Why is it so hard for many of us to make long-lasting, behavioral changes even when we want to? Here’s why:
Put yourself on the same page as your boss, literally, by reading what he’s reading. Some of the best books on executives’ nightstands: Superfreakonomics, Outliers, Built to Last, The Upside of the Downturn, Viral Loop and Too Big to Fail.
“When your energy level is low, everything feels like a chore,” says Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, “even things that would ordinarily make you happy.” Exercise and a good night’s sleep can boost energy, of course. But what if you need more energy right now? Try one of these strategies:
Question: “My boss gets at least 25 calls a day. He does not want the phone messages written down on paper; he wants them e-mailed to him. However, he gets hundreds of e-mails a day, and he complains that his phone messages get lost in the shuffle. How can I resolve this and make it simple for him and me?” — Laura Sanford
Question: “I’m an older student, in an internship. I’m seeking advice on how to deal with immaturity in my fellow interns (they are in their 20s, I’m in my 50s). I didn’t realize they were ganging up on me until I was recently informed by another intern. Also, they brown-nose the supervisor, while I’m more independent. So, as I’m beginning to express anger at the interns’ treatment of me, I’m looking like the difficult one. Even if I believe there’s some ageism involved, it won’t make me popular with management to state this. How do I handle the situation? Can you recommend any books on baby boomer/Gen Y interaction?” — Anonymous
Question: “The vice president of our department recently sent an email forbidding all conversation that is not directly related to work. If she finds someone in another person’s office, she says "What’s going on here? I hope you’re talking about work!" No other group has a rule like this. This woman has a longstanding reputation for being unreasonable. No one likes her except the CEO, but his opinion counts for a lot. We’ve thought about talking to the human resources manager. Is that a good idea?” — Afraid to Speak
Question: “I see so many letters today with the RE line directly below the inside address. I learned that anything below the inside address should pertain to the address. I also learned that anything pertaining to the body of the letter should be placed in the RE line, and it should be directly below the salutation. Have the rules changed? Does the RE line now go under the inside address and above the salutation?” — Betty Dotseth
Question: “My boss is somewhat disorganized, so I track requests sent to him and then meet with him every few days to make sure he hasn’t let anything fall through the cracks. This takes a considerable amount of my time. I have become very disheartened the past few weeks because every time I go into his office he is playing solitaire! The company measures our success by department responsiveness. How should I approach him about how this affects our accomplishments? This reflects poorly on both of us.” — Anonymous